tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-196297272024-03-21T15:29:41.197-07:00funny therapyA humorous look at every day life from a mental health therapist and former stand-up comic's eye (actually 4 eyes since I wear glasses.)The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-44452777058189635952013-11-29T06:44:00.000-08:002013-11-29T06:44:14.578-08:00Black-Eye FridayWhen reaching for that tablet or sweater keep your elbows within the frame of your body. Let's not make this Black-Eye Friday!<br />
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You're welcome.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-89478432647806133542013-11-27T05:45:00.004-08:002013-11-27T05:45:51.260-08:00The Thanks Whisperers<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>The Thanks Whisperers<o:p></o:p></u></b></div>
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Paul Peavy, MS. LMHC<o:p></o:p></div>
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We have become a nation of Thanks Whisperers. While we may
shout and yell about everything else like sports and politics and smartphones,
we only like to whisper an after thought of thanks.</div>
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I think it is interesting that people say that poor people
in our country somehow feel entitled to food stamps and healthcare, yet it
seems to me I’ve seen a lot of middle and upper classed kids who feel “entitled”
to their Starbucks, designer clothes, and a car. This is not a statement trying
to evoke class warfare. I think we all take so much for granted in <st1:country-region>America</st1:country-region>
that we truly have lost touch with being grateful for the basics.</div>
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I am not the inventor of the irony that we will pause on
Thanksgiving for <b>“ALL THESE MANY BLESSINGS!”
</b>and then get up at 4:00 am to create a capitalism stampede for what we want
the next morning on Black Friday. Heck, sometimes we can’t wait until Friday
and now have the stores opening Thanksgiving afternoon.<span style="background-color: black; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 1pt none black; font-size: 0pt; padding: 0in;"> <span lang="X-NONE"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<b>If one were so inclined how would one go from being a Thanks
Whisperer to a Thanks Liver? </b></div>
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<b>(Not thestinky iron rich meat but a person who
lives gratefully.)</b></div>
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<li>Take
inventory. Notice what you really do have. Start at, “Do I have food and
shelter?” “Am I safe?” Write these things down and you may be shocked by
what all you do have.</li>
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<li class="MsoNormal">Live
gratefully. Be grateful to your cab driver, barista, secretary, or
waitress. Say “Thank you” to people when they provide you service. <b>ASK ABOUT THEIR LIVES! </b>Learn
something about these other people and then follow up with them each time
you see them.<o:p></o:p></li>
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<li class="MsoNormal">Sit on
it. Meditating or praying about what you are thankful for can indeed reset
your mindset.</li>
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<li class="MsoNormal">Laugh.
Laughter is the ultimate sign that you have what you appreciate what you
have.</li>
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<li class="MsoNormal">Be
with friends and family and don’t turn it into a whine festival. Too much
time spent with friends and family. If that time usually turns into a
negatifestival do something to break the cycle. Play a board game, go to a
movie, do something to start a positive cycle.</li>
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Happy Thanksliving!</div>
The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-37126280803849772542010-02-12T19:39:00.000-08:002010-02-12T19:42:55.033-08:00Number 12 Worst Valentine's Gift For HerI heard on the radio today, "Hoodie Footy Pajamas for her. It will only take you a second to order but she will think you've been thinking of her for weeeeeeks!" Umm... not so sure about the woman feeling really hot dressed in the pajamas of a three year-old but also if you had been thinking of her for weeeeeks and this is the best you could come up with...YIKES!The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-22867738817227686562010-02-11T20:44:00.000-08:002010-02-11T20:49:10.211-08:00Number 11Just found number 11 for worst Valentine's Gifts for Her:<br /><br />Whataburger, yes, Whataburger is offering a romantic night out from 5-9 on Valentine's night. Yes, buy one Patty Melt Meal and get the second one free. Yes, imagine the look in your woman's eyes as you pull up to the great tin orange and white striped teepee and say, "Surprise!!!" Oh yeah, gooooooood luck with that! The couch oughta sleep real comfy.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-31919423574702666712010-02-10T20:13:00.003-08:002010-02-10T20:23:32.308-08:00Top Ten Worst Valentine Gifts For Her10.<br />Anything that looks like you won it at the fair. There has never been an article in Better Homes and Garden on how to establish mood in a room decorated around the five-foot tall pink Tweety Bird motif.<br />9.<br />Anything that you accidentally left the receipt from The Dollar Store in. Also destroy all receipts if the gift is from Napa, The Snap-On Tool Truck, or Ace Hardware. Remember the answer to the question of , “Where did you get this?” should always be, “The mall.”<br />8.<br />Singing Big Mouth Billy Bass. (Even the love song edition)<br />7.<br />Monster Truck Rally Tickets. If you even thought this... If you even thought this…If… Never mind.<br />6.<br />A football. If she says she loves football she means she likes watching over-sized steroid induced millionaire hunks running around in tight pants.<br />5.<br />Anything too small. Your sweetheart is not the same size as the teen-age sales clerk. So quit saying, “Oh she’s about your size,” to every anorexic bee-bop salesperson that smiles at you.<br />4.<br />Cooking a romantic dinner made with Spam or Vienna Sausage. Trust me when your huntin’ buddies say, “Hey man, you’re a pretty good cook!” They mean, “Hey man, it’s food and I didn’t have to fix it!”<br />3.<br />The Best of The Three Stooges video series. The words, “Best of” and “Three Stooges” are an oxymoron in female language.<br />2.<br />Pots, pans, vacuum cleaner, or anything that involves manual labor. This is Valentine’s Day, not MAID’S DAY!<br />1.<br />Nothing. Even if she says, “Oh don’t get me anything,” get her something. If you arrive home and realize you have forgotten to get her anything, tear your shirt and bang your head on the car several times. Tell her you had the prettiest diamond bracelet for her but you were mugged by a teen suburban scooter gang in the driveway.* Just a reminder, Valentine’s Day falls on February 14th this year.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-74312780621717401762010-02-10T20:13:00.001-08:002010-02-10T20:13:47.712-08:00Top Ten Worst ValentineThe Top Ten Worst Valentine Gifts for Her<br />10.<br />Anything that looks like you won it at the fair. There has never been an article in Better Homes and Garden on how to establish mood in a room decorated around the five-foot tall pink Tweety Bird motif.<br />9.<br />Anything that you accidentally left the receipt from The Dollar Store in. Also destroy all receipts if the gift is from Napa, The Snap-On Tool Truck, or Ace Hardware. Remember the answer to the question of , “Where did you get this?” should always be, “The mall”<br />8.<br />Singing Big Mouth Billy Bass. (Even the love song edition)<br />7.<br />Monster Truck Rally Tickets. If you even thought this... If you even thought this…If… Never mind.<br />6.<br />A football. If she says she loves football she means she likes watching over-sized steroid induced millionaire hunks running around in tight pants.<br />5.<br />Anything too small. Your sweetheart is not the same size as the teen-age sales clerk. So quit saying, “Oh she’s about your size,” to every anorexic bee-bop salesperson that smiles at you.<br />4.<br />Cooking a romantic dinner made with Spam or Vienna Sausage. Trust me when your huntin’ buddies say, “Hey man, you’re a pretty good cook!” They mean, “Hey man, it’s food and I didn’t have to fix it!”<br />3.<br />The Best of The Three Stooges video series. The words, “Best of” and “Three Stooges” are an oxymoron in female language.<br />2.<br />Pots, pans, vacuum cleaner, or anything that involves manual labor. This is Valentine’s Day, not MAID’S DAY!<br />1.<br />Nothing. Even if she says, “Oh don’t get me anything,” get her something. If you arrive home and realize you have forgotten to get her anything, tear your shirt and bang your head on the car several times. Tell her you had the prettiest diamond bracelet for her but you were mugged by a teen suburban scooter gang in the driveway.* Just a reminder, Valentine’s Day falls on February 14th this year.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-88035774963064307952010-02-04T20:04:00.000-08:002010-02-04T20:38:11.107-08:00The Super Bowl For The UninterestedSix points (the same amount as for a touchdown, which is what it is called when a player goes into the colored rectangle at the end of the field with the football) for those who end up at a Super Bowl party who have no interest in being there:<br /><p><br />Sneak the remote control into your pocket and change the channel when the ball is in the air.<br />Say, “Whassup!!! With that Call?” every three minutes. </p><br />Say, “Who let the dogs out?” every time there is more than one player who makes a tackle.<br /><br />Pass out scorecards (0.0 –10.0) for people to rate the end zone dances.<br /><br />Pass out rating pads for the really important people, the advertisers. Cumulate the scores and e-mail the scores to sponsors along with a bill of $1,000 per consultant at your party.<br /><br />Keep a tally of the number of “What a stupid call!”, “What a spaz!”, “I coulda caught that!”, etc… per guest. At the end make a “Whiner of the Year” award and everyone gets to follow this person around work the next day and criticize his or her performance.<br /><br />Six more points to try if you really want to get into the game and sound knowledgeable; use these phrases or do these actions with the confidence of an old pro:<br /><br />After the coin toss, pack your things, put your coat and on your way out say, “Wow! That was exciting. All that work, all those pads, and it comes down to one coin flip. That was great! See y’all later.”<br /><br />When the game is about to start say, “I hope we win the tip-off”.<br /><br />When the quarterback goes to take the ball from the center say, “See it is OK for guys show their affection in public”.<br /><br />After a touchdown jump up and actually do a touchdown dance. Don’t be embarrassed if you’re the only one gettin’ down, many parties have a house rule that states the first one up is the only lucky fan that gets to actually celebrate. (Remember these key dances, The Funky Chicken, The Cabbage Patch, The Worm, and, of course, The Robot.)<br /><br />When the kicker kicks after a touchdown, say, “Well, now that wasn’t very nice. He kicked the ball into the stands so the other team won’t have a turn with the ball.”<br /><br />Say, “Boy I wish ABC was carrying the game. I miss a good Dennis Miller comparison of the offensive line with the gang from The Iliad and The Odyssey.”The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-6712761611939036492010-02-03T20:51:00.000-08:002010-02-03T21:00:18.320-08:00The Youth of Today Are NOT Our FutureI spoke to the Florida Campus Compact yesterday. That is a group of college students from all over the state of Florida that came to Tallahassee to learn about civic involvement. <br /><br />With all my work with kids from 3 to 18 (OK I still like the idea of 24 year olds still having a whole lot of kidishness in them, too). Here is the one reason that a lot of people give for working with kids that I do not believe; "The children are our future."<br /><br />Nope. Don't buy it. Don't believe it. The youth of today are very much our present. They are a physical representation of our current heart, priorities, beliefs and values. How we treat are youth shows how we treat someone who is simply less capable than ourselves. <br /><br />Yes, if you turn a kid on to education your house is less likely to be vandalized. If you give a kid a good recreation program you might not have thugs scaring you in your neighborhood. If you give a kid a mentor you probably do give yourself a better future. But after all that better future starts with today, doesn't it?The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-37904517748926482172010-02-01T19:26:00.000-08:002010-02-01T19:32:15.106-08:00Book 'Em Danno!I finished my book! I finished my book! (That's really meant to be sung in a nanny nanny boo boo kind of way) You can find it on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/">www.amazon.com</a> and just put "Paul Peavy" in the search box. The name of it is "Recession-Proof Your Heart, Mind, Body, And Soul!" <br /><br />Enough about the book already. My important question of the day is, "Is Hardee's run by heart surgeons looking to prime their own heart surgery pumps for business?" I mean, really, is a Bologna and Egg and Cheese Biscuit really necessary? How about puttin' some mayonnaise on that thing and give it an even 500 grams of fat? Oh well, gotta admit a simple egg biscuit from Hardee's may be my favorite guilty pleasure.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-48963238559399656332009-02-04T11:06:00.001-08:002009-03-10T10:54:05.202-07:00Taking a Break to Write a BookI have been taking a break to write the book <em>Recession-Proof Your Heart, Mind, Body, and Soul. </em>Look for it on Amazon by April 1 (Yes, April Fool's Day)!The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-91879081943136441432008-12-21T19:52:00.000-08:002008-12-21T20:02:43.860-08:00C.I.S.S., Christmas Is Simple StupidI went to church tonight. Normally it is a high energy, rock 'n roll affair with tons of college students in a high school auditorium. Tonight, with the students gone it was a simple affair held in a small church.<br /><br />It seemed to keep with the theme that God was saying , "Keep It Simple, Stupid!" The smell of the wooden pews and the wooden beams of the building reminded me that it started in a manger with animals and hay. No Black Friday, no Christmas lights.<br /><br />A couple that must have been scared out of their gourds about what they were doing. But proceeding any way because they knew it was what God wanted. That simple desire to follow God's will would be so helpful to so many of us. Just get the "What if's" and the "Why me's" out of the way and just do it.<br /><br />Then a little baby was born and the world changed forever. That's about as simple as it gets. Dean Inserra, our pastor, last week talked about how a little baby will just wrap his or her hand around your finger. It's just a response, maybe a way a baby connects. But Mary and Joseph probably tested that reflex. And Jesus wrapped his tiny soft hand around their finger. What a simple way to show he was connecting to humans. <br /><br />Its all so simple.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-11047243553214097852008-12-21T05:30:00.000-08:002008-12-21T05:39:36.410-08:00Of Santa Claus and Stranger Danger."Stay away from strangers!"<br />"Don't take candy from anyone you don't know."<br />"Yell, if you see anything unusual."<br /><br />And then comes Christmas.<br /><br />"Look, honey, see the big fat old guy with the long scraggly beard and hair? The one whose wearing red and white fur. Look, he's offering you a candy cane! Why don't you go sit on his lap?"The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-66183840049138173012008-12-21T04:53:00.000-08:002008-12-21T05:02:14.749-08:00Herding Carolling CatsLast night we took a group of people ranging from age 2 to 56 carolling. Let me just say, this was much like the old saying of like "herding cats." One genius mother gave out glow sticks so the children could be better seen by cars. These soon became batons, both the kind you throw and twirl and the air and the kind police beat the living daylights out of when you've been naughty and they don't think coal in the stocking is enough punishment.<br /><br />To follow the cats analogy I think our singing was much like cats being given a bath. Surprisingly, many people opened their door. More surprisingly some people listened to our whole song. Most surprisingly, some people smiled and said, "Thank you," when we were done.<br /><br />The lessons that I would like to pass on is this. One verse and one chorus of any Christmas carol is puhlentyyyyyy! No need droning on and on. Secondly, can somebody please invent a dignified cat leash for a cat that stands about 4 feet tall and walks on two legs. We'll be glad to test out about 15 of them for you next year!The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-46501320876741762222008-12-21T04:44:00.000-08:002008-12-21T04:45:43.093-08:00Christmas Music 25 Hours A Day, 8 Days A Week!Great news, America, we are smack dab in the middle of that period known in radio land as “Christmas music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!”<br /><br />Yes, I can remember when the big wigs at radio stations decided to play continuous Christmas music from 6 PM on Christmas Eve all the way through midnight Christmas day! Well, it must be the 45th amendment that in America if a little of something is a good thing, to absolutely drown in it must be a great thing! So now some radio stations started playing Christmas music 24/7 the week before Thanksgiving. The… week… before… Thanksgiving! They even trampled over the greatest American holiday song of all, Adam Sandler’s “Turkey Song.” Why don’t we just have Christmas music playing while our kids trick or treat? Heck, we can just combine Carolling with Halloween. “Now sing for your treat little Yoda!”<br /><br />I mean every artist has to have a Christmas song out now. There’s Toby Keith’s “If Jesus Was Born In The South He Could Have Stayed at MaMaw’s House.” I’m sure Fifty Cent must have a rap that goes, “Yo, Yo, Yo, Santa Ya’ Better Knock Before Ya’ Come Down ‘Da Chimney!”<br />Oh my gosh, if you add up the time from the week before Thanksgiving through Christmas that’s 50,400 minutes of Christmas music. Think about it, you are going to hear Elvis having a blue Christmas, Bing Crosby wishing for a white Christmas, and Jeff Foxworthy having Twelve Days of Redneck Christmas about 350 times. What kind of shrinkage do you think happens to the national IQ hearing “The Chipmunk Christmas Song” ten times a day? And speaking of that, can’t somebody give Alvin some Ritalin so the little chipmunk doesn’t go missing in the middle of the song every time.<br /><br /> “But, Paul,” you say, “There are commercial breaks!” Oh, yeah? What do commercials have in the background during the holiday season? That’s right, Christmas music with catchy words like, “We Wish You a Chevy Christmas!”<br /><br />Here’s a very strange proposal from an American, especially at this time of year. How about a little moderation? You know, how about giving us two Christmas songs every hour? Until then I think I think I ‘m going to honor another great American tradition you know , the protest, that’s right give ‘em the ol’ “Silent Night.”The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-293597436649114942008-12-11T19:58:00.000-08:002008-12-11T20:00:06.654-08:00Ethyl and Gladys Do Wal-MartI saw the epitome of the statement "Getting old ain't for sissies," tonight in Perry. Apparently to reach 70 in Perry you have to be pretty tough and self-sufficient. <br /><br />I was in the Wal-Mart in Perry and I saw two seventy-something year old ladies (we'll call them Ethyl and Gladys) standing by a metal non-supported case in the middle of the aisle. The next thing I see is Gladys (or Ethyl) starting to climb the case to get to the stop shelf. I yell as I briskly walk toward them, "Can I help you?" Gladys steps down from the first shelf as Ethyl says "Yes, can you get us that thing of pineapple?" I stretch to reach up and secure the pineapple. I grab two so they don't start climbing again when I leave. <br /><br />I may have saved two ladies from badly broken bones but about an hour later I realized they had a couple of tubs of preserved cherries already in their carts. Pineapples? Cherries? Yikes! I had just contributed to the birth of a fruitcake!<br /><br />Next time I do something like that I want to fully seal the deal and bring over a pack of cut and bake chocolate chip cookies and say, "These are what those crazy kids are eating for the holidays these days!" Some grandkid will thank me someday.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-4893174868653683072008-12-06T20:14:00.000-08:002008-12-06T20:16:53.033-08:00There's No Crying In Football, Oh Sorry, Yes There Is!America, its time to be outraged along with the poor University of Texas! In January they are going to give a so-called championship trophy to a college football team that wins a so-called championship game. Why do I say “so-called?” Because they get to play each other for the so-called championship not because they won the right to by winning football games. They got to play in the so-called championship game because they won by the combination of most votes cast by coaches (who can’t watch very many teams play because they are, well, coaching), a mystery computer score (and don’t think that a heap of these computer geeks don’t come from Big 10 schools), a dungeon full of pirates tossing dice, and in case of a tie, a combination of congeniality and swimsuit scores.<br /><br />It’s time for the only logical solution, no not playoffs, but a tournament. If you had a four team playoff the undefeated champions of the Rocky Mountain High conference would still have a reason to cry. If you had a sixteen team playoff number seventeen would beg congress for a bailout, I mean exception.<br /><br />No, I say lets begin by starting the season with one patsy and then play your three biggest rivals to get your seeding and then boom! It’s off to the races, invite all 120 major programs and play it down to the single best team. No, of course your season doesn’t end if you lose. You get to play the rest of the season in so called, “meaningless” games like 99% of all the college games are any way. But I say there’s no such thing as “meaningless” if there’s tailgating involved!<br /><br />What about the bowls with all their corporate sponsors, you say? Simple, each round is sponsored by a certain level sponsorship. The first round could be sponsored by small operations like hot dog vendors, such as, The Big Frank’s Bowl and Handy Man services like The Rusty Nail Bowl. The next round could move up to mom and pop restaurants (The Mama’s Homemade Soup Bowl) and hair salons (Yes, The Curl Up and Dye Bowl!) The final championship game would be the Starbucks Bowl featuring the Starbucks Half Time Perculation (They’re already everywhere everywhere could be, right?)<br /><br />If I am doing my math right you can do that in six rounds. Adding the four seeding games that makes only ten games. Hey I’ve got a great idea, let’s make it double elimination!The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-81600611974024809632008-12-06T05:58:00.000-08:002008-12-06T06:43:49.039-08:00The Unhandy Man's Guide To Christmas Lights!<p>Well, we're about 3/4 of the way done putting up Christmas lights and I fully expect a knock on the door from a few shepherds and wiseguys. I think we're brighter than any star they could be following.<br />I would like to share a few helpful hints to anyone still putting up Christmas lights:<br /></p><ol><li>If working on the roof, go barefooted. You will find your monkey gripping toes to be a great assett as you hang 3/4 of your weight over the edge of the roof to get that last light clipped. My first year of marriage, as I hung over the edge of the roof, I thought, "I guess my wife wants Christmas lights more than she wants a husband!"</li><li>Duct Tape is the only thing that will keep your lights stuck to the side of your house. The clips with sticky are slick and stylish but we're looking for sticky here, not slick. And by the way to the manufacturer's of "Duck Tape" the most common brand of duct tape (cute name, huh?) your clear kind does not stick as well as the other colors.</li><li>You can buy more electricity. Two years ago we knew we needed more electricity. I called the electrician in the yellow pages who did not have an ad. I wanted to pay for electricity not the guys ad. It sounded like I caught the guy washing dishes that night. The next day he came out, we had additional outlets and the house has not burned down (yet).</li><li>Make sure the women of the house have dried their hair before sunset. Even after adding more electricity we still can't use the blow dryer with the Christmas lights on without blowing a fuse! </li><li>Complaining about putting up Christmas lights is an oxymoronic phrase. If you're complainin' you're not ho-ho-hoin'! If it's that much of a pain, just drop a check in the mail to the Salvation Army and go watch Texas Walker re-runs. </li><li>Shop the day after Christmas. Make an envy list and then go buy it for 75% off for pure assembly and cord untangling joy next year!</li></ol>The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-18742352973888580202008-12-04T01:17:00.000-08:002008-12-11T20:03:42.519-08:00Ten Ways To Really Scrooge Up Your Christmas!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCMmQ-oeMzezcKT6zHU-jlM39cEteO4U-AmOPjngcnGkFTi0fiCLv9qj0cGnXxUirl2xNu7MclQykDEJBNjA-qybFOJ1EY1m7x2MdhVC_3XHJ9V73oTwi7C1KZ6SrlNAaqVkji/s1600-h/Picture+33.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5278749365637734770" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCMmQ-oeMzezcKT6zHU-jlM39cEteO4U-AmOPjngcnGkFTi0fiCLv9qj0cGnXxUirl2xNu7MclQykDEJBNjA-qybFOJ1EY1m7x2MdhVC_3XHJ9V73oTwi7C1KZ6SrlNAaqVkji/s320/Picture+33.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"><br /><span style="color:#ff0000;"><strong>Ten Ways to Really Scrooge Up Your Christmas!</strong></span></div><br /><ol><br /><li>Save your shopping to the last minute. The Jiffy Mart is usually open all night Christmas Eve and you can always buy a Nascar cap or lighter for your wife.<br /></li><br /><li>Plug all your Christmas lights into one socket. The overload will create a great fireworks display and give you a new festive holiday hairdo.<br /></li><br /><li>Make sure you give your children lots of holiday cookies and candy. They need extra sugar to be this persistent and annoying about getting stuff and how Santa does his job.<br /></li><br /><li>Insist that you attend every holiday party and event that is around. No matter how exhausted you are or how much your feet hurt, go!<br /></li><br /><li>Be sure that you don't set limits on spending. Hey! You've got charge cards. You've got checks left! Hey! There's an ATM! That must mean you can afford it. Show your kids that its all about the stuff!<br /></li><br /><li>If you've never chopped down a christmas tree go to your neighborhood tree lot and tell them you want to get the feel of cutting your own tree down. Carry your own chain saw onto the lot and for safety be sure and wear an old hockey goalie mask for safety. Watch the children run around and squeal in unbridled joy.<br /></li><br /><li>Use the fruitcake your friend sent you as a doorstop. Invite your friend over and she will be so impressed that you are using her gift so proudly.<br /></li><br /><li>Invite all the associates and relatives you do not like to one party. That way you can get all the unpleasantries over in one evening. If you add alcohol you could even get law officers to validate how hard these people are to get along with.<br /></li><br /><li>Send out one of those yearly family update newsletters. Enclose your family pictures (Everybody has blank space on their refrigerator they need to fill). Detail every day of your kid's school life. You have so many to send just address them to "Resident".<br /></li><br /><li>Ask for receipts with your presents. I mean, really we're all going to run into each other at Wal-Mart the day after Christmas exchanging everything anyway. So just ask for the receipts in advances and make things really easy for us.<br /></li></ol><br /><p><span style="color:#000000;">*For ideas on how to really enjoy the holidays check out the suggestions below.</span></p><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><p align="center"><br /></span></p><span style="color:#33ff33;"><strong>How to Have Some Really Happy Holidays!</strong></span><span style="color:#33ff33;"><strong><br /><ol><br /><li></strong></span></li></ol>Know what is important to you. Write it down. What do you want? Lights? Music? Family? Charity? Religion? There are so many choices and opportunities you need to decide for yourself what you want.<br /><li>Schedule. Let it be known what you want and when you want to do it. The time will get away from you and you will be saying, "I wish I would have."</li><br /><li>Budget. Tell your kids that Santa can only bring them one big toy to each kid. Don't get into competitive spending with relatives or friends. Don't equate your own self-esteem with the amount of money you spend on gifts.</li><br /><li>Slow down. Your internal organs do not know they are supposed to exist on less sleep, more sugar, and hours on your feet shopping.</li><br /><li>Write a personal note or make a personal gift for someone who adds a lot to your life.</li><br /><li>Visit a nursing home. Bring some holiday cheer to people who have really missed out. These people may not have the opportunity to share in the hustle bustle, lights and sounds of the holidays so take some of it to them.</li><br /><li>Take special time with meaningful people. Have an annual holiday lunch with your best Friend. Spend an evening by the tree with your spouse complete with holiday music.<br />Charity. Shop for a needy child. Have your office adopt a needy family.</li><br /><li>Teach your children charity. Let them pick out presents for children their age. Take them to serve a meal at the homeless shelter.</li><br /><li>Sing. Sing loud. Sing Jingle Bells. Make up verses. Make up new songs with your kids. Listen with your kids to Jonas Brother's or Christina Aguilera's Christmas CD. Go to the church Christmas musical. </li><br /><li>Bake, craft, draw, create. Making things makes things personal for both the giver and receiver. It allows you to put your own spin on what Christmas means to you.</li>The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-40878004487211299892008-12-01T19:35:00.000-08:002008-12-03T05:46:38.668-08:00Lassoing Turkey (That's me, a Lassoing Turkey)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik88oCDwLKnLe3cUVacBO226-wCZmbLnOvjFWJMdwcXLpBW47YGIbyIZ3UP6N0h_OoZXyK54mpIgGt2lp8nk2zD70j5bfbYoLz5T9Z9F3uBn2YlroE7FYqfHaK9inC0cNGgEt8/s1600-h/horse+and+rope.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5275032150428725746" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik88oCDwLKnLe3cUVacBO226-wCZmbLnOvjFWJMdwcXLpBW47YGIbyIZ3UP6N0h_OoZXyK54mpIgGt2lp8nk2zD70j5bfbYoLz5T9Z9F3uBn2YlroE7FYqfHaK9inC0cNGgEt8/s320/horse+and+rope.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><p>Well, I don't know what else to say. This is perhaps my strangest Thanksgiving picture ever. I have played wiffle ball with a plastic pilgrim firstbasemen and a cardboard turkey at second, I have played football with a styrofoam pumpkin, and I made it a point to have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich instead of turkey one Thanksgiving camping trip. </p><p>But I've never rodeoed on Thanksgiving. The truth is my cousin gave me a perfectly looped lasso to hold and the horse couldn't go anywhere but inside the arena. It was also nice that the few horses that our cousins had out for us city slickers refused to bump into each other no matter how poorly we steered them. Speaking of steering, wouldn't somebody make a lot of money if they just made a little steering wheel to put on the saddle horn? I mean you could actually just wrap the reins around the wheel and make it really work! That would make us city types a lot more comfortable.</p><p>For the sake of this picture, I only wish I had thought to wear a long sleeve shirt and a cowboy hat... and boots... and spurs. Next year. Of course that'll be the year we go to the bowling alley and bowl with frozen turkeys in a long sleeve shirt and a cowboy hat...and boots...and spurs.</p><p>Life Lesson: Traditions are a lot more fun when they keep changing!</p>The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-67325987464164362062008-11-29T18:42:00.000-08:002008-11-29T18:53:46.341-08:00A Wal-Mart Employee Was Trampled To Death On Black Friday.A Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by shoppers as he unlocked the doors of for shoppers the morning of Black Fridays. Other employees were hurt as they tried to help the employee. Other shoppers including a pregnant woman were taken to the hospital.<br /><br />People! Get a hold of yourselves! Shoppers complained when the police had to shut the store down to complete the investigation because <em>somebody died!</em><br /><br />Wow! I'm a big fan of Black Friday. I think it's fun. I think it's a cool tradition. I think it combines two great American traits, capitalism and competition. This is a horrid example of what can happen when these two items are taken to their extremes.<br /><br />It is also an example of what can happen when people get caught up in a pack mentality. People who wouldn't dare act rudely or aggressively on their own go wild when they are in a group that is stirred up.<br /><br />Sad. Nothing funny here. Prayers go out to this man and his family. The blackest of Fridays indeed for this man's family every year.<br /><br />Life Lesson #1: Capitalism, competition are fine in balance with compassion and cooperation. <br />Life Lesson #2: Be aware of the pack you travel in and check yourself out of the group if you are<br /> not comfortable with their intensity or intentions.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-60434339813266021862008-11-26T20:02:00.000-08:002008-11-26T20:07:12.705-08:00The Macho Man's Guide To Black Friday (Or, Goin' a TV Huntin')My wife, daughter, and mother-in-law were all a buzz about shopping on the day after Thanksgiving. My nine year-old daughter was especially jazzed about getting up early to join the sea of salmon swimming up mall escalators. They had nothing in particular to shop for my wife just thought it was important to train my daughter in the fine art of being a good American woman and contributing to the capitalistic engine that makes America great.<br /> Being somewhat of an endorphin junkie myself and wanting to contribute to the family’s desire to donate money to big box retailers I offered to participate in a manly way. Yes, I would go on a TV hunt much the way I would a deer hunt. My male friends wouldn’t mock me this way. It was a masculine foray to bring home the biiiig electronic score thrown over my shoulder.<br /> In the part that is totally unmasculine my wife wrote down the model number we had agreed on as the best buy and then circled it on the newspaper insert. (Maybe I could treat the newspaper insert like a map, yeah, I could put a big buried treasure “X” on the TV and that would make it more piratey!) I gathered my layers of warm clothes, and kissed the lasses good night. I would sleep in my daughter’s bed so as not to wake them in the wee hours of the morning.<br /> My wife and I agreed that getting to the store at 4 AM when they started handing out the claim tickets for the TV would be fine. I mean, really, who else was going to be waiting at a store at 4 AM? I decided to impress her and get there at 3:45 to be extra sure to capture the big one.<br />The alarm clock went off and I was pumped with adrenaline so I grabbed my hat, gloves, book, sales map, and folding chair and bounded silently out the door! I even bypassed the doughnut shop to assure I got my spot and my TV (of course the “Hot Now!” sign wasn’t on so it made it much easier to pass up). <br />I turned into the parking lot and much to my shock and awe were two to three hundred people in line already! They all seemed to be laughing, mocking, and pointing at me as I drove by in slow motion. “What I was I thinking?” they were laughing in their head. I’ll tell you what I was thinking, I was thinking that if I turn around right now I can be back in bed at 4:30 for a good three hours of stolen sleep!<br />For those of you interested in the deer hunt comparison I have never had two or three hundred hunters show up in a field. For safety’s sake if I did, I would still do the same thing. I would head back home for a nice toasty three hour nap. That many people competing for twelve TV’s or twelve deer cannot lead to anything good.<br />The rest of the day was spent in a manly way. My wife says I spoke with her as they were leaving on their little shopping expedition at 5:30 (I thought I just dreamt that!). I woke up at 7:30 to go play a couple hours of basketball with my nephew, some twenty years my younger. I then came home to work on the outdoor decorations which involved a lot of a macho’s guy favorite substance, (no, not beer) duct tape! Yes, I did go back out about 7:00 PM to look at TV’s with my wife. Yes, all the Early, or as I like to call them, Cuckoo Bird Specials were over but we could look in peace and calm. By looking at banks of sixteen TV’s at a time I felt like one of those cartoon aliens that have a line of sixteen eyes. I also don’t think I’ll be watching as many TV shows about tropical fish and incredible underwater TV footage as TV salespeople think. Nice pictures, but they seemed a little light on the plot.<br />Did I ever make the big score? You bet I did! The next morning my wife found a great TV for a great price! On line. In bed. Hmm, next time I’m thinking of deer huntin’ I’m getting’ my wife to Google “venison” first.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-3994516836122919982008-11-26T19:57:00.000-08:002008-11-26T20:02:52.800-08:00Thankful<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqD2LFd1PHT2TkoxilZ4l_K7DmjJYbhcDNOFIVkDpoM2lBiC3GRV04kC1EpCTLB6OQERGTXUBJwUv5PC_UoUUdLRSIOEYleDrsMbKogl9ynEqyHUgJLeZv1Bp5LRA0rPUKbN_v/s1600-h/Picture+28.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5273182864622901746" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqD2LFd1PHT2TkoxilZ4l_K7DmjJYbhcDNOFIVkDpoM2lBiC3GRV04kC1EpCTLB6OQERGTXUBJwUv5PC_UoUUdLRSIOEYleDrsMbKogl9ynEqyHUgJLeZv1Bp5LRA0rPUKbN_v/s320/Picture+28.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div>Incredibly thankful for stone cold gorgeous wife and very cool daughters. Christ. Awesome parents. Looking forward to Thanksgiving morning Turkey Trot, smoked turkey, family games of football and wiffle ball. Friday-Ultimate Frisbee in the rain, with the rain it should be called Ultimate Ultimate! Thank you God for letting me love playing more than sitting!</div>The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-89858475889025858522008-11-05T19:11:00.000-08:002008-11-05T19:13:00.725-08:00IncredibleIncredibly blessed to live in this incredible country in this incredible time.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-1629850799122866062008-11-03T15:59:00.000-08:002008-11-03T16:18:06.683-08:00It's Time Start Ducting The Issues!When you wake on Nov. 5 it will be all over but the shoutin'! I take that back, if you listen to talk radio and cable news talk shows the shoutin' is never over. I sure have heard a lot of people just say they are relieved this election is over. Relieved. HmmÖthat's too bad. Free and fair elections are what people all over the world fight for. And all we can feel is relief?<br /><br />My guess is there truly is a silent majority that get that quietly goes about its business and doesn't like the accusatory nature of today's politics. Now don't get me wrong I don't think politics have been white linen glove affairs in the past. What I'm real sure of now is that this is our first election with full blown blogs, texts, internet, talk radio, and cable news. It's like we are walking around with two bullhorns, one facing in toward each ear. No wonder we're so irritable!<br />The sides seems to have drawn some pretty strong lines. If you're for Obama you just want to be hip and cool. If you're for McCain, you're a rich self-centered snob. I really like to think people have more depth than that. I know of some pro-life democrats and some pro-life republicans. Now put that in your stove pipe hat and smoke it. Yes, people can affiliate with a party and have different opinions than that party.<br /><br />Maybe it seems like we have forgotten that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Here's my recommendation for how to fix the system. Sometime in the next four years you have to have a duct tape over your mouth conversation with someone of a different persuasion. The following week you could be the talker instead of the ductee. That's right, people would actually listen to a complete statement knowing they could not yell at or interrupt their friend. Ooh, did I just use the word “friend” in a political discussion. How weird was that.<br /><br />Maybe we can then go from yelling, trash talking, accusatory, mean spirited elections to just having an in<em>duct</em>ee for president.The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19629727.post-28253025312843710582008-10-28T16:11:00.000-07:002008-10-28T16:14:11.416-07:00The Potential Florida Chainsaw MassacreTo me, the two strangest non-laws in America are that anybody can rent a U-Haul truck without a special license and anyone can buy a chainsaw without having special training. To make matters worse, I now own a chainsaw stuck on the end of a long pole. Yes, my wife would like those dangling vines cut down from 10-feet high and yes God gave me two arms so I could still have one if I lost one in a pole chain-saw accident.<br /><br />Now, it seems she wants these vines cut down at about the 20-feet-high level because I was sent up the ladder with my Decapitate-O-Matic! Yes, there I stood wildly swinging the death blade on a stick from a wobbly ladder. Somehow the vines got whacked and I did not.<br />My good friend Darren "Jethro" Thompson topped this story by saying his neighbor asked him to hold the ladder while his neighbor scurried up the ladder of death. Now only one thing could be more dangerous than standing on the ladder and swinging the chainsaw wildly. That is standing beneath the wild blade swinger. If you are the ladder holder there any combination of approximately six different heavy or sharp objects that could rain down on your noggin; the objects being sawed, the sawyer (fancy word for one who saws), the ladder, the pole, the chain-saw motor, or the sharp, jagged metal rotating "teeth of a jaguar" cutting part of the saw.<br /><br />Once again I escaped another day of yard work with my limbs intact which I am convinced only gives my wife another day of false security that I am capable of making the yard look better and not leave blood stains. I tremble because we are not far away from Christmas lights on the roof season. Maybe Jethro and I can put the lights up by hooking the lights on the end of the pole chain saw, from a ladder affixed to the top of a U-Haul as we drive by. I guess we need a third manly man to hold the ladder as we fly by. I know Mell's wife, Kelly, has bought into the invincible husband doing yardwork myth. Hey Mell, what are you doing the Friday after Thanksgiving?The Peavyshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17237482327810120718noreply@blogger.com0