Politics You Wish Were Unconventional

I’d like to thank Lisa Woodham for teaching me all I need to know about politics. Lisa was running for president of the third grade at Timberlane Elementary School. During her speech she promised to get gum chewing allowed in the classroom. Of course I was a grizzled fifth grader at the time and I knew no young whipper snapper third grader could break the iron rules set by Principal Gilchrist. But it was then that I realized that it’s a politician’s job to say whatever it takes that they believe that will get them elected. I think that was OK back when it took a horseman a few days to deliver copies of a speech from one coast to another. But to constantly have each candidate in my car, in my computer, on my TV, and in my Roy Rogers lunch box (I guess those might be different voices) is starting to get on my last nerve.
No taxes for your (fill in the blank income bracket) somehow will equal no crime, a pristine public education, and roads paved with, well… asphalt. (Hey I’ve got a speaking engagement coming up with the Asphalt Contractors Association of Florida Asphalt Association so I know where my bread is buttered!)
I think the conventions are great for employment numbers. Tenured college professors of communication will continue to have jobs reviewing speeches. I don’t really know who a “swing” voter is or who is undecided. I think the swingers and the undecided all work for the polling companies so they will continue to have jobs. The talking heads all get to meet in the same place and you wish the phrase “Talk their heads off,” was, indeed, literal.
As I write this I am watching the Republican nominee for vice president. At least they have a sense of humor. I did not know Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey really had the time to be Vice President with adding that Thirty Rock show. Now if the Democrats would say that Will Ferrell will be their Attorney General we could have some politics that would be fun to watch.
(Oh and they just played the “Cowboy Troy” (my favorite [only?] black country rapper card.) This really could get fun!