It's Time Start Ducting The Issues!

When you wake on Nov. 5 it will be all over but the shoutin'! I take that back, if you listen to talk radio and cable news talk shows the shoutin' is never over. I sure have heard a lot of people just say they are relieved this election is over. Relieved. HmmÖthat's too bad. Free and fair elections are what people all over the world fight for. And all we can feel is relief?

My guess is there truly is a silent majority that get that quietly goes about its business and doesn't like the accusatory nature of today's politics. Now don't get me wrong I don't think politics have been white linen glove affairs in the past. What I'm real sure of now is that this is our first election with full blown blogs, texts, internet, talk radio, and cable news. It's like we are walking around with two bullhorns, one facing in toward each ear. No wonder we're so irritable!
The sides seems to have drawn some pretty strong lines. If you're for Obama you just want to be hip and cool. If you're for McCain, you're a rich self-centered snob. I really like to think people have more depth than that. I know of some pro-life democrats and some pro-life republicans. Now put that in your stove pipe hat and smoke it. Yes, people can affiliate with a party and have different opinions than that party.

Maybe it seems like we have forgotten that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Here's my recommendation for how to fix the system. Sometime in the next four years you have to have a duct tape over your mouth conversation with someone of a different persuasion. The following week you could be the talker instead of the ductee. That's right, people would actually listen to a complete statement knowing they could not yell at or interrupt their friend. Ooh, did I just use the word “friend” in a political discussion. How weird was that.

Maybe we can then go from yelling, trash talking, accusatory, mean spirited elections to just having an inductee for president.

Politics You Wish Were Unconventional

I’d like to thank Lisa Woodham for teaching me all I need to know about politics. Lisa was running for president of the third grade at Timberlane Elementary School. During her speech she promised to get gum chewing allowed in the classroom. Of course I was a grizzled fifth grader at the time and I knew no young whipper snapper third grader could break the iron rules set by Principal Gilchrist. But it was then that I realized that it’s a politician’s job to say whatever it takes that they believe that will get them elected. I think that was OK back when it took a horseman a few days to deliver copies of a speech from one coast to another. But to constantly have each candidate in my car, in my computer, on my TV, and in my Roy Rogers lunch box (I guess those might be different voices) is starting to get on my last nerve.
No taxes for your (fill in the blank income bracket) somehow will equal no crime, a pristine public education, and roads paved with, well… asphalt. (Hey I’ve got a speaking engagement coming up with the Asphalt Contractors Association of Florida Asphalt Association so I know where my bread is buttered!)
I think the conventions are great for employment numbers. Tenured college professors of communication will continue to have jobs reviewing speeches. I don’t really know who a “swing” voter is or who is undecided. I think the swingers and the undecided all work for the polling companies so they will continue to have jobs. The talking heads all get to meet in the same place and you wish the phrase “Talk their heads off,” was, indeed, literal.
As I write this I am watching the Republican nominee for vice president. At least they have a sense of humor. I did not know Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey really had the time to be Vice President with adding that Thirty Rock show. Now if the Democrats would say that Will Ferrell will be their Attorney General we could have some politics that would be fun to watch.
(Oh and they just played the “Cowboy Troy” (my favorite [only?] black country rapper card.) This really could get fun!