Christmas Music 25 Hours A Day, 8 Days A Week!

Great news, America, we are smack dab in the middle of that period known in radio land as “Christmas music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!”

Yes, I can remember when the big wigs at radio stations decided to play continuous Christmas music from 6 PM on Christmas Eve all the way through midnight Christmas day! Well, it must be the 45th amendment that in America if a little of something is a good thing, to absolutely drown in it must be a great thing! So now some radio stations started playing Christmas music 24/7 the week before Thanksgiving. The… week… before… Thanksgiving! They even trampled over the greatest American holiday song of all, Adam Sandler’s “Turkey Song.” Why don’t we just have Christmas music playing while our kids trick or treat? Heck, we can just combine Carolling with Halloween. “Now sing for your treat little Yoda!”

I mean every artist has to have a Christmas song out now. There’s Toby Keith’s “If Jesus Was Born In The South He Could Have Stayed at MaMaw’s House.” I’m sure Fifty Cent must have a rap that goes, “Yo, Yo, Yo, Santa Ya’ Better Knock Before Ya’ Come Down ‘Da Chimney!”
Oh my gosh, if you add up the time from the week before Thanksgiving through Christmas that’s 50,400 minutes of Christmas music. Think about it, you are going to hear Elvis having a blue Christmas, Bing Crosby wishing for a white Christmas, and Jeff Foxworthy having Twelve Days of Redneck Christmas about 350 times. What kind of shrinkage do you think happens to the national IQ hearing “The Chipmunk Christmas Song” ten times a day? And speaking of that, can’t somebody give Alvin some Ritalin so the little chipmunk doesn’t go missing in the middle of the song every time.

“But, Paul,” you say, “There are commercial breaks!” Oh, yeah? What do commercials have in the background during the holiday season? That’s right, Christmas music with catchy words like, “We Wish You a Chevy Christmas!”

Here’s a very strange proposal from an American, especially at this time of year. How about a little moderation? You know, how about giving us two Christmas songs every hour? Until then I think I think I ‘m going to honor another great American tradition you know , the protest, that’s right give ‘em the ol’ “Silent Night.”