America, its time to be outraged along with the poor University of Texas! In January they are going to give a so-called championship trophy to a college football team that wins a so-called championship game. Why do I say “so-called?” Because they get to play each other for the so-called championship not because they won the right to by winning football games. They got to play in the so-called championship game because they won by the combination of most votes cast by coaches (who can’t watch very many teams play because they are, well, coaching), a mystery computer score (and don’t think that a heap of these computer geeks don’t come from Big 10 schools), a dungeon full of pirates tossing dice, and in case of a tie, a combination of congeniality and swimsuit scores.
It’s time for the only logical solution, no not playoffs, but a tournament. If you had a four team playoff the undefeated champions of the Rocky Mountain High conference would still have a reason to cry. If you had a sixteen team playoff number seventeen would beg congress for a bailout, I mean exception.
No, I say lets begin by starting the season with one patsy and then play your three biggest rivals to get your seeding and then boom! It’s off to the races, invite all 120 major programs and play it down to the single best team. No, of course your season doesn’t end if you lose. You get to play the rest of the season in so called, “meaningless” games like 99% of all the college games are any way. But I say there’s no such thing as “meaningless” if there’s tailgating involved!
What about the bowls with all their corporate sponsors, you say? Simple, each round is sponsored by a certain level sponsorship. The first round could be sponsored by small operations like hot dog vendors, such as, The Big Frank’s Bowl and Handy Man services like The Rusty Nail Bowl. The next round could move up to mom and pop restaurants (The Mama’s Homemade Soup Bowl) and hair salons (Yes, The Curl Up and Dye Bowl!) The final championship game would be the Starbucks Bowl featuring the Starbucks Half Time Perculation (They’re already everywhere everywhere could be, right?)
If I am doing my math right you can do that in six rounds. Adding the four seeding games that makes only ten games. Hey I’ve got a great idea, let’s make it double elimination!
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2 comments:
Not Bad Pops. Maybe one of those rounds should be sponsored by you!
Yeah, I want to host Rutgers (since their state is so bad they can't call it The University of New Jersey)vs. Hawaii at Hawaii. Call it the Psychotic States Bowl.
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