Hmm, I Wonder What the Weather's Like In Tallahassee in August?

If you haven’t heard, the Tallahassee City Commission recently put a bid in to Krispy Kreme to acquire the “Hot Now” signs to use as the city limits signs for Tallahassee. Yes, kiddies, it’s so that when you order sushi around here by the time it gets to your table you end up with a full fledge fried seafood platter.

I tell a children’s story that’s theme is that all people do is walk around and say, “Shor is hawt!” Well, low and behold (that’s the first time I’ve ever written that phrase in my life) if life didn’t imitate art. I was recently at a swim meet at our beautiful Trousdale Aquatic Center when I came across the same man three times in about four hours. Each time the man just looked at me, shook his head and said, “Shor is hawt!” I know you’ll be shocked but I don’t have a witty come back for that. Now if I get to have the first word I smarmily say, “Maybe it’ll warm up soon.” Boy that sure leaves ‘em rolling in the aisles.

Now to go back as the old man talking about the good ol’ days (Be sure and suck your lips in over your teeth and talk in a wheezy voice.) I remember playing basketball on the black top asphalt that essentially acted like a pancake griddle. Your Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars would almost start to bubble up like flap jacks and then your feet would feel like the roof of your mouth after taking that first bite of too hot pizza. I often wondered how I found it so easy to drive to the basket unscathed. But I just now realized with all that sweat pouring out I was slicker than a toad swimming in a tub of Vaseline. Heck, I wouldn’t want to get within ten feet of me either. As they say, “It’s not the heat, it’s the humility.” Yes, the humility of having underarm rings despite four layers of deodorant. Yes, the humility of having a big ring of sweat on the back of your shirt if you spend more than ten minutes outside.

To twist a cliché I guess the weather is much like the president, everybody complains about him but nobody does anything about him. So when its so hot out there the chickens are laying bacon I guess the only thing I can say is, “Shor is hawt!”.